It’s 3:47am …

Must everything be that hard? I have been trying my best to be positive, not to over think and be too emotional anymore but the fact is the more I try to numb myself the more I realize this painful reality of mine. I understand life is never easy for anyone but why must every aspect of mine has to be that hard. Nothing is sailing smoothly at all. I really feel very useless.

It is so difficult to find the “precious time” yet heaven makes fun of me … at this very difficult moment of mine. It is so hard to get this “precious time”  yet … yet … I have to see it … fly pass me like that … *Sigh … Is it because time doesn’t like me, thus it is not giving me the time I wanted. What must I do to deserve it? I have been trying so hard …

Am I just not fit to be a woman that can get what she truly deserve? I have never ask for anything over the top. I cannot even get the basics of life … Can anyone enlighten me and tell me what wrong have I done? I am still holding on tightly to life …