什麼是幸福啊﹖

一直再問自己﹐幸福究竟是什麼﹖

幸福是得到想要的簡單生活。。。有時候覺得不管多麼努力一直好像在原地踏步﹐連簡單的須要和生活都很難得到。

幸福是得到想要的時間但是時間﹐地理往往一直是。。。(*不知道要如何寫完這個句子)

幸福是能夠擁有自己幸福的家庭。。。這兒確實是最難的挑戰應為不是我一個人能控制或實現的。

幸福是能夠走出黑暗﹐擁抱光芒﹐能夠自我表達自己的情感﹐想法和感受﹐ 不必隱藏。

幸福是不要比較﹐自己明明很清楚但是他們所得到的時間﹐見面﹐談天﹐聯絡﹐ 對他們而言是平常的但我只有羨慕的份。因為基本的一切﹐想得到也很難。

幸福是一個人的時候也能面帶笑容。以前都是這樣﹐選擇了一個人生活的方式﹐是應為很怕麻煩與問題﹐想要簡單的一切。現在觀念改了﹐發現自己獨自走在街上時﹐看到幸福的家庭﹐甜蜜的情侶或一大班開心的人﹐都覺得有點孤單。雖然我們都很努力的會安排聚會但是朋友們往往還是忙於自己的感情於家人。呵呵﹐這也是應該的啦。隨著年齡變大﹐中心放在情感上是很平常的。

幸福是不要期待或等待。如果是你的就會是你的﹐ 也會自然的呈現在你面前。

最近﹐身旁的一些人都沉浸在甜蜜幸福中﹐有些還報喜訊。真的為他們感到開心。

不知道幸福名單上有沒有我﹖

Break or Break Me?

Just came back from an exhausting trip to Genting Highlands. An interesting trip indeed where I was sick all the way till now … I was not  feeling well a few days before my trip but with medication I was feeling better so I went ahead to accompany my mum and aunt for  a short trip. I thought I could have a little break but I was actually breaking myself up.

It was not fun to travel in a cold highland area in my condition. I could not breathe well , down with a high fever, sore throat, cough and flu. All these erupted to a full blast only when I was there. I was giddy, in a zombie like state, still trying to shop and eat despite the discomfort. We had buffet, Japanese food etc. but I did not have an appetite, all the food taste bland to me and I wanted to puke. I was high on pills, oops … medication. I managed to catch a pretty cool show of flamboyant dancers, magic shows and special acts. Inconsiderate people who floated rules and smoked in restricted mall’s area made me felt even more sick and I lost my voice totally. It was usually good to escape from the heat in my country to a cooler place but this time it was rather painful to be in such weather and mountain altitude.

The worse was during the night. I went to bed early around 1am+ yet I could not sleep despite being exhausted. My body was heating up and aching. I felt like banging myself to the wall to ease the pain. Finally managed to get some sleep and felt a little better. We have to travel 45 minutes by vehicle down the highlands, I puked and was all groggy (I thought I was better but I was not.) Silly me. I will make sure I am fit for travel next time than to suffer throughout the journey. Right now, my voice is slightly back but I am still running a temperature …

L.O.V.E

Sometimes, little actions act up to a whole lot more … An old video but really sweet.

隱形人

當隱形人﹐是好或是壞呢﹖

一直以來都不喜歡依賴人家﹐所以習慣自己做自己的事情﹐不喜歡人家關我﹐因為從很久以前都準備好一個人獨自生活了 。。。(雖然我的“一個人”想法已經改變了)

慢慢地我也變成了隱形人。 因為大家都覺得我能夠應付一切﹐不用關我。 其實當我真正需要人的關心﹐愛護時﹐卻來的特別的難。大家都忙於對自己比較重要的事﹐不小心忽略了我也不是他們的錯。我唯一能做的就是要更加堅強﹐好好照顧自己。現在只有我﹐如果連我自己都不管自己。。。那麼活著只是浪費所有資源 。。。這條路很難走﹐但是我也要一步一步的努力走下去。

Sick … Sickening Month

October is really a month full of turbulence …

Sick Sick Sick … everyone’s falling sick. It started from my aunt who developed a cough and flu, then the kids caught the flu, next was my mom who came down with a nasty sore throat and high fever … and I had gastric problems …

Few days ago, my bro caught the flu bug and had a fever … his symptoms didn’t subside and got worse that he was sent to the hospital yesterday and was put on drip. Right now, I am down with flu and slight fever.

They took meds, saw doctors and tried not to spread the bug around but somehow this bug was nasty.  I realize how worried and concerned when one is sick in my family, constant calling, sponging with cold water, providing food and fetching them to the clinic but the fact is… all these are distant to me. Since young, whenever I am sick, no matter how drowsy I am, I drag myself to the clinic on my own and pretty much take care of myself. Probably due to the independence I have shown all these years that everyone kind of leave me alone. Of course, they still call and check on me but what I meant is usually I am on my own when I am sick.

Hahaha! I just take medication, sleep and prepare food for myself. It is a routine that I am so familiar with. I do yearn for someone to take care of me, give me a warm hug, cook a bowl of congee or cover me with a blanket when I am shivering but … the someone now can only be Myself … Hahaha! No worries aite, I am a tough cookie.

While typing this, I am feeling a throbbing pain in my head and the massive drilling noise from the upgrading works is making it worse. Wanted to nap a little  but I cannot. I have to doubly clean the house and disinfect the place to provide a clean and hygenic environment for all.

It’s scrubbing time!

Keep Away!

Someone that is close and dear to me asked me something today. “Why are you always keeping to yourself? Why are you detaching yourself from the rest?  What if one day you need help? Nobody will come to your aide.”

I replied: ” What is the point? What else can I do? How to speak up when certain aspects of  my life have to be hidden? What if I speak up? It will only cause worries to others and they may not be able to help me but instead get frustrated from listening. Who really has the patience to listen to me and hear me share all my woes?  The only thing to prevent myself from being disappointed is to simply keep away from gatherings or any socializing events that are of no values or purposes. If anything happens to me, no worries, just let me rot.”

Whenever I need someone, I realize I am still unable to get the attention required regardless of speaking up or not. I do not  want to trouble anyone anymore. People who know me know that I do not talk much and prefer to be quiet around most people unless I am with my loved ones and close friends. I love them so I talk to them and feel more bubbly naturally.

As for now, even if I am facing  problems, I rather hide them all. What is the use of sharing and be subjected to the aloof side of human attitudes? Isn’t it better to keep away and put on a cheerful smile where no one truly knows what is going on in me?

Limits

This is the final straw about some friends… everything has stretched my limits … I do have trust issues whenever I meet new people etc that’s why I pretty much prefer to be left alone than socialize. One thing is when I am sure that we connect as friends, I will give you the benefit of a doubt and treat you nicely from my heart as a good friend.

Lately, I realize how some so called friends of mine are simply just treating me like a fool. Thank you. It is ok I do not regret being nice to you but knowing that you simply put a negative ”tag” on me or taking advantage of my kindnesss make me certain that some people should just be off my list. 

There are some people that I will not mind if they are gone … I have tried my best to be nice but somehow they do make up certain obstacles for me … infact major ones that are hindering a major aspect in my life. While they are enjoying themselves, I am left in the miserable corner. One way or another I am being entangled in the messy circle, taking a toll in my life. I am walking away from some things now which I can do without. I believe if some people do not appreciate, there is no point being nice especially when they deprive u of something precious.

What is more important than my own bliss? Thus, I am holding on tightly to my love and faith, not allowing anyone to take them away from me.

I shall learn to be a tad more selfish in dealing with people next time and open my eyes bigger before trusting some people.

Desire & Time

Desires … no I am not talking about naughty ones or anything weird. I am talking about a woman’s desire. Be it relationship, career, family etc. Looking at people around me getting blissful moments make me wonder how come I am different from them or it is still not my time yet? I guess it was the path I took very early in my life where my priorities were never of what a woman would desire. As time goes by, I begin to lose a lil by lil as my life is pretty monotonous but with lots of obstacles and difficulties. Could all these obstacles be due to my nonchalent attitude towards relationships and suitors in the past? Hahaha … that is why things are so much more harder for me now.

Now comes the time, where I begin to embark on a journey with I usually oppose. Though there is one desire that I have always wanted despite my previous path or my new path. It has got to do with time but there is a  limit for it and if it passes the time frame … this desire will have to vanish …

Yet another womanly desire comes up, BAM! never know I will actually think of it till these articles, reports, scenes or pics keep flashing around me. Grrrr … Please spare me from these, I am afraid that I will be overwhelmed by this desire. Finally, I understand what girls mean when they said they will think of an issue when their hearts are certain… and my heart is certain now … though I never know will this desire ever happen …

Time seems to always go against me. I am being deprived of precious time. It seems that the more you want to spend the most time with a person, the less you can get and even less than minimal or basic at times. I cannot even demand more time so can u see why my above desires are very difficult missions? Time just love to fool me. First of all, though I can still be considered in the young catergory but I am losing time too. In a blink of an eye, I will soon be crumply … hahaha … but till now, I have yet to accomplish any aspects of my life. *Sigh My friends say that I am too hard on myself … Maybe … that is why I try to look at the brighter side of things … When will my dreams come true?

Sidetrack abit * Happy Birthday Mom! Love you!

When I’m With You

Loving this 1980s song “When I’m with you by Sheriff

I never needed love like I need you
And I never lived for nobody, but I live for you
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

Maybe it’s the way you touch me with the warmth of a sun
Maybe it’s the way you smile, I come all undone
Oooh, babe, lost in love is that I feel when I’m with you

Baby, oh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you

I never cared for nobody like I care for you
And I never wanted to share the things I want to share with you
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

Baby, oh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you

Baby, oh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you, When I’m with you
When I’m with you

Where are my legs???

This happened today when I woke up … I was about to come down of my bed then there was a loud thud. I fell to the ground. The reason was … I could not feel my legs at all. It felt like I was paralyzed waist down when I was about to lift myself off my bed … not even wobbly feeling … My legs simply just stopped moving … When I fell, my head felt so heavy and giddy … some moments of darkness appeared before I was able to lift myself off the ground and back to the bed by grabbing the bed frame. My legs felt crampy …

I guessed it must be my poor blood circulation again … this time it hit my legs … but I am ok now.  Just started on improving my health so still need time to get better …