Reflection – 0809

End of  August … Finally …

I am probably counting down to each month … wanting the next month to be better … Though I hope it will be happier but …

0809 – Early in the month I followed my heart and I travelled to KL alone. Rest of the month, I did immerse in some deep thoughts, teared abit but somehow I felt a little more calm. Maybe, the numbing did work. I numbed myself by understanding that I do not deserve anything or have what it takes to ask for anything. I tried my best to focus on positive thoughts, even dream and fantasize about bliss.

What will my September be?

I realize

… I am also waiting …

The only luxury I have now is being able to dream/fantasize …

 

… That doesn’t mean I am not working hard to achieve things

Being able to dream doesn’t mean I am sleeping well

Man Oh Man

Gotta think like a man

or else my mind will be pre-occupied with womanly, time-related (biological, beauty, aging, marital etc)  thoughts …

Weekends

Whether I am busy or not, weekends are there as reminders on how alone I am. While everyone is hanging out with their loved ones, enjoying quality time with their family or simply chilling with friends, here I am in a daze, stuck in a dark corner and waiting for the day to end.

Thought that after introducing changes into my life, there will be more activities but nope … It just make me feel even more lonely I guess …

Pathetic, Boring & Lonely Weekends …

時間

不知道為什麼突然間想用中文寫這一篇。 可能想換換感覺吧.。

時間一分一秒的過去 。。。 歲月不繞人啊。想想過去﹐真的不是過得很開心。 在我最年輕有活力的時期﹐我卻跟其他的人不同。沒好好珍惜年輕人的生活﹐哈哈﹐沒好好去玩﹐卻是努力讀書﹐工作還有照顧家裡的一切。其實﹐我覺得可能自己會比一樣年紀的人成熟一點吧。我不是很老。。。但又不算很年輕。呵呵。

難免也會想想未來的事。未來雖然很遙遠但是我希望﹐我下半輩子會是幸福﹐快樂﹐ 跟喜歡的人過著簡單的生活。想想都覺得很開心啦﹗

最近﹐雖然比較不會感到煩躁但是心情還是不太好。很多問題一直在腦海里徘徊。希望慢慢的心情會平靜多一些。

現在﹐得重組一切﹐要好好努力向目標前進 … 一起加油﹗:D

I’d Come For You

I always like Nickelback’s music … some of  lyrics really touch me … My current fave from them is :

I’d Come For You, Listen to it.

” I finally know just what it means
To let someone in
To see the side of me
That no one does, or ever will
So if you’re ever lost and
Find yourself all alone
I’d search forever
Just to bring you home”

Step

Taking a Step backward …

Having flashback about my past … I am not happy with it but I will not dwell on the past anymore … There were some pretty painful processes that I went through but they only made me stronger.

Present …

Bracing up myself and reflecting on things I have done. Goals are set and it is time for me to charge and attain them. If I am still me in the past, I will simply just work and not care about my future as all I know I will be alone anyway … the path I have set for myself because I am disappointed with human relationships and attitudes. It is different now. I have my dreams and goals so clearly infront of me. It is not me only, it is now us building a future together.

Taking a Step forward …

What is my future? No one really knows … but of course I know there will be you. Let us take steady steps to reach our common goals. Of course, I do fantasize about what our future will be like but what is more important is to turn fantasy into reality.  How long will that be? It does not matter. What is more important is that both are connected and moving forward in the same direction.

I am not that young anymore … this is a fact

Sick of Being Sick

Stress and bad mood definately affect health. So prone to getting sick these few months. The older I get I realise I am more prone to gastrointestinal problems. Be it bloating, nausea or gastric etc. Greatly affects my appetite If I don’t eat, I will be in pain. If I eat, I may get pain too … Argh!

Worse of all, I am not sleeping well …

Gotta boost my immune system and be back to my tip top condition again. Hmm Tonic wine? Brew tonic soup? More supplements? Hmm … oh well I did get a serious side effect from a new supplement recently…

So looking forward to the bbq seafood and shopping session next week. I want stingray, squids and sambal kangkong !

Flowing Positively

My mind has been clearing up … yes the bad and negative thoughts and I feel much calmer now. Though I am still feeling the flutter, I will be able to move on and focus on my goals. Our goals   Thank you!  Let’s work harder, stay positive and flow towards our common goals.

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